I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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