I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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