I hope mine doesn't look like that
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
