oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
