I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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