i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize