do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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