I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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