Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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