His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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