I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
