end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I can't trust your balls anymore.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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