I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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