'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
