Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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