Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize