Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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