I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
