yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
