Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
