i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
