mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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