is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
