he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
