this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
