I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Randomize
