He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
