Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
