'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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