Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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