You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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