He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
