I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I sprained my soul last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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