I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize