Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize