We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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