i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
