My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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