NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize