Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
