About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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