Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Pants are for mortals
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
