It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
