I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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