Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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