the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
