Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize