I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
