Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
