no, he came in my armpit
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
