we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
