The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
