i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
