i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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