I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
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