her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
