so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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