they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
i believe in u and ur pee
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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