I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
