Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
