Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
