Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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