new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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