wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
