My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
