Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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