you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I skipped work to stalk him.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
