Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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