The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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