i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Randomize
